


The Guest House is a LIE: A PSA

by Solarcat



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Embedded Images, Embedded Video, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:26:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solarcat/pseuds/Solarcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a probably-incomplete but possibly mostly-factual reference guide to the living situation of one Sidney Crosby (Captain, Pittsburgh Penguins, NHL). With annotated pictorial references.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Guest House is a LIE: A PSA

**Author's Note:**

> This PSA was originally [posted to Tumblr](http://solarcat.tumblr.com/post/54551011419/the-guest-house-is-a-lie-a-psa) probably about a month ago (I'm sure there's a way to tell, but I fail at Tumblr, so we'll just call it a month...), after I had the startling revelation that Mario's guesthouse is a dirty, dirty lie, and felt the need to apply ~*RESEARCH*~ to back up my findings. It's now being reposted here to the AO3, because the AO3 offers such benefits as truly static links and easier bookmarking. Minor edits have been made since the original posting, mostly to clean up formatting.
> 
> I apologize again for Jossing the entire fandom. /0\

We have, of course, all heard or even told the requisite jokes about how, despite being the multimillionaire face of the NHL (etc, etc) Sidney Crosby still, for some reason, lives in Mario Lemieux’s guesthouse.

This continues to be hilarious, but my friends, we may have been misled! Please read on:

So today I am reading this book (which finally came in the mail, yay!):

( _The Rookie: A Season with Sidney Crosby and the New NHL_ , by Shawna Richer (2006))

And within this book, came this little gem:

"Crosby had moved into his room on the third floor of the Lemieux household the previous day."

THE THIRD FLOOR. What was this madness? Doesn’t everyone know that Sid lives in Mario’s guest house, as per previous references?

This article in _Pittsburgh Magazine_ , published January, 2013 and available [here](http://www.pittsburghmagazine.com/Pittsburgh-Magazine/January-2013/Pittsburgher-of-the-Year-Mario-Lemieux/index.php?cparticle=2&siarticle=1#artanc), states (though not in direct quotation) that Mario offered Sid “a bedroom in his guesthouse.” Case closed, right?

INCORRECT, my friends. Let us examine the evidence:

 

**1) There is No Guest House**

Obviously, we have Shawna Richer’s book, which particularly mentions Sid moving into the third floor of Mario’s house. This is not, we shall note, exactly like moving into the guest room of your uncle’s place or something (unless your uncle owns a major sports franchise, anyway). For reference, here is Mario’s “house”:

Note the roofline, there, which suddenly makes this picture make sense:

Oh hai thar, sloped roofline! (The author is aware that, at this point, some of you may need to take a break so as to examine this picture more fully. You are encouraged to take as long as you need.)

In case that’s not enough house for you, here, have an overhead view:

_(Edit- I didn’t want to enable more creeping than necessary, but you can play with the map[here](http://virtualglobetrotting.com/map/mario-lemieuxs-house/view/?service=0). Pittsburgh is to the southeast a bit.)_

So, honestly, Mario’s “third floor” is probably the size of most of our entire houses. It’s also pertinent to note that there is no guest house on the property at all. The house on the upper right of the photo is a separate house with a separate driveway, and you can clearly see where Mario’s property is delineated by what looks like a very nice hedge (good work, Mario’s gardeners!). _But look!_ you might say. _Over by the pool! That looks like a guest house!_ And you’re right. In this picture it does. But here’s what’s actually there:

It’s got a roof that looks a lot like a small house from above, but it’s actually just a deep overhanging shelter/sitting area for the pool. Another view:

Hi, Stanley Cup! Hi, pool shelter thing! It’s nice to see you. But you are not a guest house.

 

**2) Other Anecdotal Evidence (or: We love you, Geno!)**

This is Evgeni Malkin’s Dapper Dan Award speech from 2009. If you can’t watch the video, that’s okay, the internet has provided GIFs of the relevant portion:

Thanks, Geno! <3

_Sports Illustrated_ also makes no mention of a guest house in their feature piece on Sid from the May 13, 2013 issue:

From this evidence, I feel it is safe to conclude that we have all been lied to. The guest house is a dirty, dirty lie. Which makes Sidney Crosby’s life even more hilarious, as he may, in fact, live _with_ Mario, in the same house. We have all been giving him far too much credit for being not- _that_ -codependent. Sid’s codependency levels are _off the charts_.

Need more evidence of this? That house he’s building “near” Mario’s? “Near,” in this case, may mean “literally actually across the street.” ( ~~Though this is pending further analysis and is presented for discussion only.~~ UPDATE! Sources who shall remain anonymous ~~because I don’t know their names~~ state that this is correct!) Observe:

**In conclusion:**

Sidney Crosby is a precious snowflake of utter ridiculousness and I love him. Even though he basically lives in Mario’s attic. _(Edit: Or maybe_ because _he does. Oh,_ Sid _. ♥ )_


End file.
